SELF TALK

Thought 1” Why do you keep on putting your faith in things that you cannot see? I mean, you can always give up… right… right Val? Why bother with unseen things?”

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Thought 2‘Ok, so you’ve been making all these applications but He will never stop fighting for you. Just keep believing.’

Thought 1: “Pure Nonsense, whimsical if you ask me. The world is full of faithless people, but they are becoming millionaires.’

Thought 2: ‘Life without faith is an arid business. God exists’

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Thought 1 “If he existed, he would have already provided that opportunity. Be that as it may, you would be promoted, living a comfortable life by now. 24 is almost here and you don’t even stay in your apartment. Let’s not even talk about you having that Audi that has been in your mind. It’s a farce’ Your agemates have made it, your parents don’t trust you, your friends have established relationships. You have NOTHING!”

Thought 2 ‘ Why do you have to be so harsh’

Thought 1: “Because you need to know the reality on the ground. You can’t keep on burying your head in the sand.”

Me: A little broke inside. I can’t even love myself.

Thought 1: Ooooh oooh… She’s about to go bonkers, She doesn’t have it in her to become strong.

Thought 2: Be reasonable, you are being too harsh. Let her cry. It’s therapeutical

Me: (sobbing uncontrollably) Oh Lord, why are things not working out. You said that All good things work for the good of those who love you.

***

Still small voice:  Be not discouraged, for I am with you. You are blessed and beloved of the Lord. Don’t let fear cloud your judgement

Me: How will I know this is true?

Still small voice: How will you know if you don’t trust me?

Thought 2: And when you ask, have faith that you have received it.

Me: Tell me, more

Photo by icon0.com on Pexels.com

Thought 1: Y’all are mad… I’m out of here (Leaves the scene cursing and complaining.)

Thought 2: Be of good courage and trust God. The rest will fall into place with time. He has promised you so much more. More than you can ever imagine.

Me:  Smiling after hearing words of encouragement. (STORY FADES WITH ME LEAVING WITH A SMILE)

###

Don’t forget to give this piece a thumbs up and share amongst your friends.

 

 

 

WHAT I’VE BEEN UP TO LATELY

 

Let’s just say that I have been struggling with this piece for the longest time ever. We can also say that I have let enough tomorrow’s pass to make a cocktail. Local man cannot understand why she has to procrastinate and postpone writing a story a day. 

I digress…

Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com

 

Since getting a job to get me through the 9-5 daily routine (stress on daily), I have failed to flex my creative muscle and write as emotionally as I’d want to. My life has been topsy turvy, to say the least. I even shudder when I hear the word responsibility. I mean I have been getting home past 7pm to start another responsibility of washing or cooking or completing daily house chores, with no end at sight. I mean, when you have a family to take care of without a house manager a.k.a aunty wa nyumba, you become the ‘mboch’.

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Oh well, I have had to leave many projects pending, for instance,  had promised my self to learn new grooves with my guitar. Or that podcast manenoz, I was so excited to start. Lest I forget the French and basics that I needed to polish. Now I’m stuck to “Parlez-Vous Francais? since form four” It’s funny how I thought that after school, life will no longer be a routine. Remember how you hated the time-table because it was the same old mitochondria story? So is Life when you begin your career- only more broke with added responsibilities.

Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

So yes, I still procrastinate a lot, more than I should and it has also brought a lot of fear with it. The fear of getting out of my comfort zone and pushing those boundaries that I have created. Depression kicks in quite often, more than it should because of the feeling that you are not moving as fast as the world is moving. That ka feeling that my friends are doing better than myself still haunts the hind of my cortex,( I am not sure if that is the part of the brain that processes feelings). This is not to mean that I feel threatened by their success or happiness. Quite the contrary, we understand that when things don’t seem to be working for you, your human nature begins to question even the people you love the most. The crazy part of this is that you might be at a better position, only that you are blinded by perpetual frustration when you are in that ‘daily routine.’

 

All I know is that I am fighting this story a day at a time. How so, one may ask. Well, I am sharing the story of my flaws in life.

I am checking up on people more to remind myself that man is not an island. With social media distraction, you will be tempted to believe in being selfish and self-centred.

Photo by Wendy van Zyl on Pexels.com

 

Finally, I am praying, Praying for answers that I don’t get from my close-knit of friends or family members I look up to.