Let’s just say that I have been struggling with this piece for the longest time ever. We can also say that I have let enough tomorrow’s pass to make a cocktail. Local man cannot understand why she has to procrastinate and postpone writing a story a day.
I digress…
Since getting a job to get me through the 9-5 daily routine (stress on daily), I have failed to flex my creative muscle and write as emotionally as I’d want to. My life has been topsy turvy, to say the least. I even shudder when I hear the word responsibility. I mean I have been getting home past 7pm to start another responsibility of washing or cooking or completing daily house chores, with no end at sight. I mean, when you have a family to take care of without a house manager a.k.a aunty wa nyumba, you become the ‘mboch’.
Oh well, I have had to leave many projects pending, for instance, had promised my self to learn new grooves with my guitar. Or that podcast manenoz, I was so excited to start. Lest I forget the French and basics that I needed to polish. Now I’m stuck to “Parlez-Vous Francais? since form four” It’s funny how I thought that after school, life will no longer be a routine. Remember how you hated the time-table because it was the same old mitochondria story? So is Life when you begin your career- only more broke with added responsibilities.
So yes, I still procrastinate a lot, more than I should and it has also brought a lot of fear with it. The fear of getting out of my comfort zone and pushing those boundaries that I have created. Depression kicks in quite often, more than it should because of the feeling that you are not moving as fast as the world is moving. That ka feeling that my friends are doing better than myself still haunts the hind of my cortex,( I am not sure if that is the part of the brain that processes feelings). This is not to mean that I feel threatened by their success or happiness. Quite the contrary, we understand that when things don’t seem to be working for you, your human nature begins to question even the people you love the most. The crazy part of this is that you might be at a better position, only that you are blinded by perpetual frustration when you are in that ‘daily routine.’
All I know is that I am fighting this story a day at a time. How so, one may ask. Well, I am sharing the story of my flaws in life.
I am checking up on people more to remind myself that man is not an island. With social media distraction, you will be tempted to believe in being selfish and self-centred.
Finally, I am praying, Praying for answers that I don’t get from my close-knit of friends or family members I look up to.
amondival 